Why Are Bad Things ALWAYS Happening To Me?!
Some people call it karma. Others claim balance. I say f*ck it.
Over the past 3 years, I’ve noticed a pattern. It seems like every time something good happens, something terrible follows.
In May 2017, it was finally time to walk across the stage and obtain my degree. I’d worked so hard for the past 2 years. This time was even tougher because I’d been struggling with PTSD and trying to find balance in my life.
The day before the ceremony I felt “okay.” I wasn’t happy or elated, but I did feel relief. I decided not to attend the ceremony because it was an hour drive just to get there and being around a crowd of people while dealing with the dysfunctional, ex-family stressed me the hell out.
I opted for the degree to be sent in the mail and made reservations for a dinner instead.
The day before the celebration, I received a call from one of my best friends at the time.
Him: Jack…
Me: Yeah man, wassup?
Him: (Sucks in air) T committed suicide.
I couldn’t believe it. Before I knew it, I was walking barefoot down the street. I didn’t even remember how I got there.
I walked back into the house and broke down after reaching the top of the stairs. With concern in her voice, the step-sister came out of her room asking me what was wrong. I could barely speak through the sobs:
T. Killed. Himself.
She banged on the brother’s door and yelled his name. A bit angry and confused, he came out and she told him what happened. He helped me off the floor and walked me towards the bed.
*To add insult to injury, the step-sister was getting ready for a date before this happened. She chose to go on the date. He was married.
T was my ex-boyfriend. I went from crayons to perfume during our 3-year relationship. He was the love of my life. The joy of graduation had been taken from me as the pain of grief ensued.
Now & Then: Other Moments That Were Completely F*cked
I was laid off for 3 months and finally received a job offer. Two days later, my car was repossessed.
I received an unexpected $60. While leaving my house to grab some groceries, I saw an envelope in my mailbox. I opened the letter and it was a notice to pay or quit.
I’d just started my blog. Feeling a bit depressed, I checked my stats on Medium. I couldn’t believe I’d made $0.05 on one of my posts! I walked downstairs to make coffee and received an email from a prior apartment I rented.
It said I owed $200. There was a $975 security deposit and I’d only lived there for a month.
When I was 5, I always flew to Illinois every summer to visit my Dad. I was so excited as I’d only get to see him once a year. My grandmother drove from the airport and when I arrived he was standing in the doorway.
I flung open the car door and ran to hug him. His ex-wife walked downstairs behind him and as he and I were about to embrace, she sneered and whispered in his ear “Look what she’s wearing.” His smile immediately turned into a frown.
Actual Research
I did a bit of research on this concept and found a couple of answers:
1.) Murphy’s Law
The Physicist explains this concept well:
“[By] using logic and random chance alone it’s impossible to explain away the preponderance of horrible happenstances that show up seemingly without pause, everywhere, at all times.”
What did I learn from this? When something happens, we tend to label these events as “good” or “bad,” but in Truth, it’s however we choose to view it.
Am I a victim or a survivor? Do I even want to be classified as either? We have a choice on how we view situations and whether or not it becomes apart of our story.
I’m sure there’s a bigger and better purpose to situations that make me feel like sh*t, but I haven’t figured that out yet.
2.) Divine Timing
I’m no longer a Christian, but when I did preach, Galatians 6:7 was programmed into my brain:
“ — for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
This means whatever you “plant” will bear fruit. Whatever you put out into the world will eventually come back to you. This can also be defined as the Law of Compensation.
When we’ve put in all this time and energy and have used every resource known to man to create something, but don’t see it manifest into physical form, we get upset. And for good reason. We’ve done the hard work, so where’s our f*ckin’ reward?
This may be because of Divine Timing. We don’t want to wait. Most of us aren’t patient.
We want to see our efforts take form and we want to see it right now!
Truthfully, manifestation takes time. Like in nature, when a seed is planted it needs to be watered and tended. Roots don’t sprout out of the ground right away.
The seeds need nutrients, sunlight, and a decent environment. Some seeds take longer than others to grow based on their genus.
For example, if an avocado tree is being grown from a seed, it will take 5 to 13 years before bearing fruit. On the other hand, growing strawberries take about 4 to 6 weeks before bearing fruit.
Bear in mind that plants have their own obstacles as well. Weeds, insects, and animals may cause delays or even prevent the plant from growing altogether. The plant has no choice but to recover and restart the process of growth.
This is the only thing plants know how to do: GROW.
This is no different from us.
3.) Balance
When your life goes to sh*t, it’s the Universe’s way of bringing something into balance. When you’ve done all you can do and extended all known resources, that’s when acceptance comes into play.
Acceptance is NOT Agreeance!
We don’t always agree with what goes on in our lives. I know I don’t. Acceptance merely means that you are in a space of: It is what it is, C’est La Vie, Que Sera Sera, etc.
This doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It just means you're acknowledging the situation for what it is. When you can accept what’s happening in your life without judgment, then you my friend, are in a very special place.
Not many can do this in every situation, including me. I just realized when I had this epiphany I felt better and things seemed to flow.
When you accept life for what it is at that moment, then you should prepare yourself to see everything come into balance.
I have to admit, it took me about 3 days to write this post. I just never put any real thought into the title because I was so fixated on how pissed off it made me. Looking deep within helped me to find the answers to these questions.
Acceptance has always been one of the hardest concepts for me to appreciate. Ironically, my tattoo is exactly what this represents (above).
